Why I Think Being Inadequate Is Worse Than A Bad Grade

Well, in a situation where you’re representing yourself. But anyway, I think I earned myself an easily avoidable D on an assignment because of my ego. In my English class, our big class assignment was a “brawl” on The Count of Monte Cristo. Basically a brawl is a big Socratic seminar and we each had to answer one question and reply to two questions. I was feeling SO confident I could do this because I the last brawl went great. Okay, wrong and a reminder to myself to move at least 100 miles away. In debates/discussions I can’t read an already written reply. I jot down the basic idea and hope I can pull all the ideas together to create an answer that doesn’t sound ridiculous. Also, reading off a script doesn’t work for me, I don’t understand it. But anyway, 1 answer 2 replies. So I’m in the brawl and I do one reply and I’m thinking, “Why” because I pause for basically 3 hours because I lose my train of thought and now I have to do my answer. I got so nervous I lost my train of thought and where I was going with my answer. I mean, It was my fault because I wasn’t prepared for the question nor did I understand the answer but thankfully my teacher understood. So I finish my answer with the worst ending ever (“So yeah…”) and move onto the next day to finish he brawl. Here’s where my ego gets in the way. I’m waiting to do my last reply, when all the questions being asked are the ones I don’t know, and before I know it we are on the last question. The last question is one I have no idea how to reply with. I had to reply to this question or I was going to get marked down and guess what I did? I didn’t answer it because I don’t like giving stupid answers. I don’t like sounding stupid and I don’t like coming off as stupid. Don’t get me wrong the reply was good but it was done by someone else, and I had no idea how to elaborate on it further because I just didn’t understand. I’m not a perfectionist, and it’s not like I wont turn anything in unless it reaches my top standard. I’ve turned in many things I’ve put little effort in, but this was something that I cared about and I didn’t feel confident in my answer. I guess it was petty and selfish, but I think if I did try to answer that last questions I would’ve left embarrassed.

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